Infernal Editor, here. Cate’s off in the corner, muttering epithets over her rough draft of Big Dang Projeckt, so I’ve knicked her blog while she’s distracted. Really, all I did was point out the fact her beloved hero was getting a mite whiny for his britches, and she banishes me. The nerve. *harumph*
Most folks have an angel and devil perched on either shoulder, acting as their conscious. Creative people, however, have a Divine Muse and Infernal Editor instead. Right now Cate’s Divine Muse is sitting atop her laptop monitor, looking concerned and shooting me dirty looks. HA.
An Infernal Editor’s job is to seed doubt until it blossoms into fear. Some of us are so good we can even make creative types fear success. Here are just some of the many services we offer:
Writer’s Block. This is one of our more popular items. It comes in the form of gaping plot holes filled with pitch, painting characters into corners they can’t get out of, filling the creative head with doubts disguised as excuses, or giving them the idea that one can only create when inspiration strikes, and then bashing their Muse over the head with a skillet so no inspiration is forthcoming (that last one is my favorite). Whatever the cause, the creative type is stymied, generally for long periods of time. Done right, some might actually give up entirely. An Infernal Editor can retire on that kind of angst. *bliss*
Time Sucks. The best thing to happen in the Infernal Editing business since the invention of the TV was the internet. Creative types gleefully troll the endless depths of the internet to facilitate research, and the next thing you know they’re You-Tubing, Facebooking, Twittering, Pinteresting, and Netflixing. Cate is especially keen on the Netflix. It’s a work of art, the internet. Honestly, it does most of the work for us.
What-If? This is a good one, the foundation of all we Infernal Editors do to stop you creating. What if you’re not good enough? What if all this is crap and you don’t have the courage to be honest with yourself? Should you even bother? And just think, you were feeling so good about the work yesterday! What happened? I’ll tell you what happened: Infernal Editing!
Take Cate, for instance. She’d been feeling really good about her work lately. She had a plan. It was a good plan. It was lovely and neat. It gave her the warm fuzzies thinking about the good work she’d been doing. But then I reminded her Editor Awesome (not of the Infernal variety, but Awesome nonetheless) still had Keepers #2 in her hot little hands. Should Cate even bother revising Keepers #3? What did she even write it, before she had a contract in hand for the second manuscript? What if she doesn’t get a contract?! *gasp*
Now she’s gibbering over Big Dang Projeckt, slowly melting down into a puddle of warm, chocoately goo with coffee vapors rising from the mess. In fact, I think–
Hey, where did Cate’s Divine Muse get that crossbow? And why is she pointing it at my head?
Ummm….can I come stay with one of you guys for a few days?